The Awful Truth

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Looks like Lindsay Lohan woke up on the wrong side of the bed yesterday. Maybe that's because Samantha Ronson wasn't lying there next to her?

We thought the quasi-lesby lovebirds had finally called it quits, but according to trusty L.L., that rumor is absurd.

Well, just because they haven't ended their fauxmance yet doesn't mean they shouldn't. When the inevitable breakup happens (sooner rather than later, trust), you bet Lindsay won't be crying into her Birkenstocks for long.

The Awful Truth gang can't agree: Should she go all out and date a gal like Anne Heche, or maybe one or all of the Jonas Brothers? (Linds would probably eat one of them for breakfast.) What do you think?

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Virginia Sherwood/NBC

Barack, watch your back, your Veep could be just as diva-like as Sarah Palin woulda been—we can only imagine (thank heaven for that).

Joe Biden's brother, Frank, owns land on Water Island—a residential paradise just a short ferry ride away from St. Thomas in the Virgin Islands—but he hasn't built a house on it yet.

Joe came down, and, of course, needed someplace to stay, so Frankie B. asked his neighbors if they wouldn't mind if his bro stayed in their newly built vacay home so he could get some peace 'n' quiet for the holidays before he takes office in a couple of weeks. Naturally, the good Americans they are, delayed their own vacations to accommodate the future V.P.

Kicking people out of their houses? Thought that was the economy's job, Joe. Can't you afford a hotel room on a Senator's salary? Then again, we wouldn't throw a buff, shirtless Obama out of our poolhouse if he wanted to crash.

INFdaily.com

Dear Ted:
Please out Toothy Tile. What purpose is served by letting fakers in Hollywood continue their "only straight is great" fauxmances. I swear, aren't you tempted sometimes? Aren't Toothy's latest shenanigans beyond the pale?
—Kate, London

Dear Free Toothy:
As much as I'd like to, I can't be the one to set Toothy free. He's gotta do that for himself. Like Lindsay getting clean.

Dear Ted:
Why are you such an ass? I bet you don't even know any of the Twilight stars! I mean really, who do you think you are, anyway, judging them like that? You think that you're such a big shot, you know maybe you should stop being so judgmental.
—Twilightgrl84 

Dear Fanatic:
Jeez, no wonder Rob Pattinson is petrified of his fans.

Dear Ted:
Are Mimi Kitten and Smokey Shooter from One Not Knocked Up Blind Vice Eva Longoria Parker and Tony Parker?
—Lauren 

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Scott Kirkland/INFphoto.com

Superinside Speed the Plow sources claim exclusively to the Awful Truth that Jeremy Piven's premature evacuation from the Broadway show had nada to do with overeating sushi.

"He was fired," says an integral player in the David Mamet play, about the banal evils of Hollywood. Yep, according to our pivotal insider, J.P. got booted for diva-like behavior. Like what? Like showing up two minutes before showtime, being a general d-bag toward the cast and crew and sending his understudy on if he didn't like the size of the audience.

Most of those seats were sold, too, if that gives ya any indication of the Piv's ego. Even though the Entourage star's reps vehemently deny it, we're assured the Pivster finally got his contract ripped up. Not that he minded much.

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W Magazine

The holiday season's over, hope you drank all the virgin eggnog you and Lindsay Lohan could muster! Now that it's 2009, let's get on to bigger, badder and trashier things—the results of our 11-day run of Prop 88s, our rebel yell for 88 celebrity bad-behavior propositions.

Here's the winning results, per day, in order of how desperate all of you want that par-tick prop to pass:

21 percent: Botox is discontinued. Every face on Desperate Housewives falls off. And a few Down Under, too.

24 percent: Ashlee Simpson-Wentz and Pete Wentz's names are legally changed to Bronx and Queens. Let's see how they like it.

27 percent: Jen simply has to stop talking about Angelina. Angie, though, can talk about Jen all she wants.                 

28 percent: Will Smith must cease talking about how often he schtups Jada Pinkett Smith. His acting isn't good enough.

30 percent: A limit of one new baby per year for Angelina Jolie. And she's not allowed to pose for any photo spreads with the kid.

30 percent: Obama has to get us out of Iraq, stat. Sooner than later, Barack.

32 percent: Michael Jackson must go away. Forever. No joke.

35 percent: Elisabeth Hasselbeck is no longer allowed to speak. Outspoken Republican voices have bankrupted this country enough as it is.

52 percent: Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag owe society 700 hours of community service—without a staged photo op.

53 percent: David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson must publicly become a couple. Far more exciting than the latest X-Files flick.

What deranged dynamic in H'wood possibly could have beaten Scully and Mulder slinking out of a bathroom together, hand in hand, for all their X-philes (and exes) to see? Find out after the jump!

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Entertainment Weekly

She's certainly not dumb, just avaricious—and vicious. Jennifer Aniston's brilliant peddling of her not-so-subtly veiled anger toward Angelina Jolie (and, less so, ex Brad Pitt, stupidly) worked wonders on the covers of the New York Times Magazine, nudie rag GQ, Vogue, People and Entertainment Weekly, not to mention myriad online, TV, radio and newspaper outlets.

The sound bites may have differed by an adjective or three, the pics by a bra-removal, and such, but always consistent was the same message: Jen's on an anti-Brangelina rag campaign! She is a wronged woman, hear her roar! And with subfab highlights, too! How does she do it?

Deftly, that's how. Right around the tune of $110 million, so far, for that dog movie, Marley & Me. The only thing that would have worked better would have be if she'd had an affair with the star of the movie. Or is bestiality Jen's next step into the annals of tabloid terrificness? After all, John Mayer should be great training for that one.

In any case, quit crying, Jen, it may be mucho lucrative for you, but you're better than this.

John Shearer/Getty Images; AP Photo/Thomas Kienzle

We told you all a month ago about the possibility of Madonna returning the favor and joining Britney Spears for a show or two on her upcoming tour. Now, more peeps are talking that Brit's choreographers are working overtime to figure out the perf gyrating moves for the two gals to dance out together on stage.

Madge's rep, Liz Rosenberg, is still mum saying that "nothing is scheduled," but if we've learned anything the past year, it's that the more Liz denies, the more chance there is that it's true. She might as well have said, "Yep, it's in the can, bitches."

We're so told, still, it's gonna happen, just not sure where, exactly. And after reevaluating Brit's CD, we really hope the duet is to "If You Seek Amy." No song could be more perfect for these two honeys currently on the prowl.

INFdaily.com

Britney Spears, relaxin' at In Style Nails on Santa Monica Boulevard. Brit-Brit chilled outside smoking a cig (can't expect the gal to quit everything) while her minion went in to make sure the salon wasn't busy. When the coast was clear, B went in, and as she sat down, the manicurist asked her if she was Britney. B.S. replied "yup" in a very "here we go again" kind of tone, dished a fellow spaee. Nice to know it was just her nails the gal was freshening up, not her enormous vajayjay—the one we've been reading about on her hacked Twitter feed. Have no fear, we're told Brit's people are seriously "looking into it." An even grosser thought is...

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Noel Vasquez/Getty Images

Wow, if these photos are any indication, looks like Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon have upgraded their relationship from hand-holding to kissing. The boring babes were actually caught smooching courtside at a Lakers game this weekend. Did they finally realize they need to one-up their tepid friend-like relaysh with something a little saucier?

Nothing works better than being on display in the front row at a basketball game—that's the equivalent of a People cover nowadays. Just ask Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens, who use courtside seats for publicity between High School Musical press tours—truly smoldering stuff there, babes.

Now, gotta say, this Lakers biz is a serious step-up from J&R's predictable dates—Starbucks runs and walking, yawn. Tell ya what, Jakey, we'll start to believe how in love you are with Wither-hon when we catch her entertaining you in the bathroom at Coco Deville à la Paris.

Monica Hoover

OMG, it's here! The final installment of our cheeky year-end nods, the Prop 88s! This is where we all take the power back and demand what's to be made illegal—or not—in Hollywood. Ain't it fab? Last chance to play God, or the Mormon Church (take your pick), so vote, babies. And check back tomorrow to see which wretched celebrity soul got the most votes out of all 88 nominees!

Charley Gallay / Getty Images

Oh dear, do we really have to endure a whole 'nother year of movie stars talking insipidly about how much they plow their wives at home? Is this really necessary for celeb entertainment followers? We say not! So if ya want to stop the fake-horny madness, too, just vote now!

Where to even begin? The Jen Aniston’s public/naked therapy sessions? Lindsay’s half-assed coming out? Madonna’s $70 million breakup? Rob Pattinson, Miley and their army of sex-free teen heartthrobs? Or the funnest celeb of the year, Sarah Palin?

Hit the clip to see what made the list of my top gossip for 2008, in the latest episode of Truth, Lies & Ted.