Ask the Answer B!tch

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Another day, another set of Hollywood twins are born. Is it just IVF, or is Hollywood an incredibly fertile place?
—Molly, Belmont, N.C.

The answer isn't simple. Yes, the celebrities sure are spawning; now it's Ugly Betty's Rebecca Romijn and husband Jerry O'Connell, who join Julia Roberts, Jennifer Lopez, Marcia Cross, Geena Davis and scads of others in producing a twofer.

It's only fair that gossip over fertility treatments would follow; all of those women were over 35—old biddies in this business—when they had the twins, including Romijn. (Twin-machine Angelina Jolie isn't quite up there yet, agewise.)

So, have they or haven't they gotten help in getting pregnant? Well...

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Splash News

Given the sad news about Jett Travolta, I got to wondering: What is a Scientology funeral like?
—Deb, Skokie, Ill.

There are funerary customs specific to Scientology, the longtime religion of John Travolta and his family. (FYI: Other superfamous Scientology adherents include Tom Cruise, Beck and My Name Is Earl castmates Jason Lee and Ethan Suplee.) A hallmark of Scientology is the belief that humans are immortal spirits, or thetans—beings who have lived many lifetimes and whose potential is unlimited.

A funeral, therefore, focuses on the departed like this...

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Vince Bucci/Getty Images

Happy New Year, people! The year is almost all dried up, but I'm still as scrappy as ever. Throughout 2008 I have answered hundreds, perhaps even billions, of your questions about all things Hollywood, and I have done it with a smile on my face and a song on my lips.

But I didn't answer all of them. In fact, there are plenty I will never, ever answer, not in 2008, not in 2009. Even if you pull up in front of my house and play Lady GaGa at full volume day and night until my ears wither and crack right off of my skull.

Here is a list of those questions, plus an obligatory/bonus Rob Pattinson mention. Please do not put them in my inbox. I love you all.

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Barry Wetcher/ Fox

Why are there so many movies opening on Christmas Day? There's Marley & Me, Benjamin Button, Valkyrie with Tom Cruise and Adam Sandler's Bedtime Stories.
—Anna, West Virginia

Don't forget Doubt, starring Meryl Streep as a nun, and The Spirit, costarring Scarlett Johanssen, Eva Mendes and Jamie King as ... the exact opposite of all that.

"The end of the year is one of the biggest times for movie ticket sales," says Box Office Mojo's Brandon Gray. "This week in December, since the year 2000, has consistently been the highest-grossing week of the year."

So in other words, people go to the movies on Christmas. Because, as Gray puts it so well, "You're opening presents on Christmas morning, and then what? So you go to the movies." But there's more...

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Gaz Shirley, PacificCoastNews.com

Why does the media keep reporting on people we don't care about like Pete and Ashlee and anyone on The Hills?
—F. Stap

You may credit fear and laziness. That permission comes courtesy of tabloid expert Mark Pasetsky, who adds, "Editors are scared. They're scared to try new things, and they're being conservative and sticking with The Hills. The Hills has completely jumped the shark; people know now that it isn't even real. But editors just fear that readers won't buy anything else on the newsstand."

Is it true that Christina Aguilera is the new face of Barbie?
—MSM

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Vince Bucci/Getty Images

I don't get it. Why do people find Robert Pattinson attractive? He looks like a plastic girl with a beard. I think people in our economy today have lost their minds.
—Caridee

Now, now. Many in the corpse and cadaver community would find your comments to be offensive, if not downright discriminatory. You've also managed to alienate the nonshowering population and the International Society of Vacant Starers. Apologize at once.

Besides, you're wrong.

"I think he's really hot, actually," former Life & Style editor Mark Pasetsky explains. "It's the hair."

I love Supernatural. Can you give me any info on the two leads? They are totally hot!
—C.C.

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JOHANNES SIMON/AFP/Getty Images

I hear Nicole Kidman was cursed for life after blowing into that didgeridoo. Can that possibly be true?
—Bean, Fresno

Well, it's like this: Yes.

I can state without irony or doubt that Nicole Kidman is now barren for life—she will never again get the chance to name a baby after a day of the week. I learned all this from the Australian Aboriginal people, a few representatives of whom proclaimed the curse earlier this week.

Here's what happened, plus a way she could reverse the ill fortune if she wanted to, and how you can help...

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Summit Entertainment

Hey Queen B! Do you ever learn anything new? Did you learn anything this year?
—Scott, Chicago

Yes. Given that this is December, let's put what I learned in 2008 into handy list-slash-survey form. I'll let you share your own learning experiences at the end of the column. Here goes:

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INFphoto.com

So Katherine Heigl is No. 5 on the Hollywood Reporter's list of most powerful women in Tinseltown. How can this be?
—I.C.

It isn't.

I explain fully in the new podcast (above), in which I tackle tons of your burning questions about how Hollywood works. And get to the bottom of this Heigl nonsense.

Hit play above to listen, and be sure to subscribe on iTunes so you never miss an episode.

Universal Pictures; Merie Weismiller/DreamWorks

How did Tom Cruise get nominated for that small part in Tropic Thunder? Wasn't he only in it for a few scenes?
—Annys, Croyden

Remember, Judi Dench's almost microscopic part in Shakespeare in Love lasted all of eight minutes. She essentially walked onto a set and asked Joseph Fiennes to write a play for Twelfth Night, sending a fine claret shooting out of the noses of literary snobs across the greater Oxford-Cambridge area. Dench won an Oscar.

Moral of the story: It's not about the time on screen. It's about the screen credit. And the ability to shoot claret out of somebody's nose. Onward, with this very special, all-Globes edition of your Burning Q's!

I'm wondering who determines what celebrities go to an awards show like the Golden Globes. If a celeb didn't get an invite, can he or she still attend?
—Lil

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Anthony, PacificCoastNews.com

Miley Cyrus has turned 16, but how did she make time to take driving lessons?
—Sherie, Calabasas, Calif.

If you're asking whether Miley Cyrus made a surprise appearance at Calabasas High School to dazzle the drivers ed class with her wig collection while picking up tips on doing three-point turns in her new Porsche, the answer is no.

She used a private driving teacher—who takes you around in a car with two sets of wheels and brakes, with a giant STUDENT DRIVER sign, all while strangers throw bananas at you.

Think I exaggerate? Oh, I do not...

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Nancy Kaszerman/ZUMA Press

Why do celebrities keep getting their lips injected when it looks completely fake and they are always made fun of? Thanks! You are the best b!tch ever!
—Kayla

If you're asking for the true origin of that magical mystery puff posing as Lisa Rinna's upper lip—or exactly what species of sea life has been so cruelly delipped so that so many other stars can keep on making movies—forget it. I enjoy a lawsuit-free lifestyle, thanks, and unless a star confirms she's had lip injections (as Rinna has done), I can't go there.

But if I can't provide the who, I certainly can provide the why. There's even a term for it, in celebrity plastic surgeon circles...

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